i've scheduled an appointment for my psych evaluation on dec. 11th. i'm working on getting the lap band surgery. the first time i brought this up with my mom she said, "i didn't know you were interested in doing that."
me: "why wouldn't i be? i've been struggling with my weight all my life.
mom: "why would learning how to lap dance help with your weight?"
me: "lap BAND mother! you gotta listen to the words coming out of my mouth!"
yeah. she's pretty crazy. i started thinking about the surrrgry two years ago. i went to seminars, and doctors appointments. then the world came crashing down around me, and i knew it wasn't the right time. so i've, inadvertently, waited until i rebuilt a support system for myself. my friends are amazingly amazing. i've only told N that i've started pursuing it again, and she's just worried about me, like a good friend should be.
she asked me what changed my mind. to be completely honest, its been a mix of things. the fat talk with J. seeing someone who is also my size, and shamefully being a little bit disgusted. realizing that i can't get rid of any of this on my own. being tired of feeling like i'm in the wrong body. i want to run, and dance, and do cartwheels. i want to go up a flight of stairs with out stopping at the top to catch my breath. i want to go campin' without having to sit statue still because i think that at any moment the campin' chair is going to fall out from underneath me. but most of all, because i deserve it.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you so, so much for reading and leaving a comment. They totally make my day! You rock!