say what you mean; mean what you say

i spent the latter part of yesterday and most of today irritated with someone i've never met. how can that happen? i met D online almost three months ago. we talked and laughed together. it seemed that we had so much in common. i felt like i finally met someone who could possibly understand the broad spectrum of sexuality and our capacities to love people so differently. unfortunately i think he is still working out his own sexuality with himself, and women might not be right for him in general. 

but tell me why he would make plans to come down to see me, and then when i attempt to solidify plans he backs out? well, not even really backing out; rather, completely ignoring me. do i sound crazy? i really thought that D and i would hit it off. i just make such grandiose plans in my head of what i think should happen, that i am doubly disappointed. i think i need to teach myself to expect nothing, and then everything will mean so much more... maybe...

or maybe i could be "cool-single-aunt kate" that has all of this disposable income and is able to spoil her nieces and nephews. and in the summer they can't wait to spend a week with me and my little farm, with a milking cow, some chickens, two dogs and two cats. i'll have crazy fun glasses and become obsessed with rooster figurines, and my house will be packed with kitschy furniture. i'll teach the kids how to whistle with grass, and how to knit. in the evening we will sit on the wrap-around porch, sip tea and watch the stars come out. of course that means i'll have to move out to the county, which is fine by me!

i also would like to own a boarding kennel for dogs and cats. give them little 'apartments' to play in; with toys and scratching posts and animal planet playing. the dogs would have a ton of room to run and play. they would get a bath and their nails trimmed. when their people came to pick them up, they would have little bows in their hair. Z said that he wants to do this too, so maybe we'll need to make it a business venture. we could also have old people come out for respite time and they could spend time with the less hyper-active animals. 

so here i go, out into the world. cool-single-animal loving-boarding-aunt kate.