trying to move on

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How to Move on from Toxic Relationships

Originally posted on: Yahoo! Voices

Many of the most exciting people are also the most dangerous. To what lows will they go to attain new heights? Reckless people are detrimental to your health. If they have no regard for their own safety, then they probably have no regard for yours either. Because they've got the emotional range of a roller coaster, when they go down, they go down hard. Anyone in their path will be dragged along with them. When they're experiencing one of their highs, they can be nearly irresistible. We are drawn to them like flies to a Venus flytrap. This is why it's important to be picky about the people we let into our lives. So how do we let go of these toxic relationships?

Know that you're doing it for your own well-being.

Relationships with these types of people often become abusive -- emotionally, physically, mentally, and/or sexually. These relationships can come in any form: Romantic, friendly, and relative. Whatever your connection with this person is, it is irrelevant. If you truly love yourself (or are working on loving yourself), then deep down you'll know that self-preservation means severing these ties.

Make your intentions clear.

If you've decided on ending the relationship or friendship, then be blunt about it. Don't avoid the conversation. Confrontation isn't easy, feelings get hurt, and bridges may be burnt in the process -- but stringing someone along or pretending to be their friend because you're afraid of their reaction isn't fair. This can be especially tough if it's a sibling or another close family member. If possible, try to come to a mutual understanding that you wish to be civil when putting physical space between you is not always feasible, but that a close bond cannot be had any longer. With this personality type, though, rationality rarely prevails. So say what you have to say and walk away if you must. They may not listen, but at least you were upfront. Do not engage in an argument, even if the temptation is there.

If they've crossed you, forgive them so you can both be at peace.

I had a friend who could be one of the most fun people to be around when she was in a good mood. Be that as it may, when she started feeling insecure about herself or depressed about life, she would do terrible things to me. She would try to embarrass me publicly or put my life in jeopardy by speeding up to and past 100 mph. Life had dealt her a difficult card, and because of this, I overlooked her faults. I still allowed her to be a part of my life, but she kept pushing the envelope. Until one day when I decided I had had enough.

I knew it didn't do me any good to hold onto the past or stay angry with her. I just knew that I needed to get away from her. I cared about her. I still care about her. I just can't be around her. I know she's hurting inside and I don't want to cause her any more pain, so I let it all go. For both of our sake.

You can still love and have love for them, but at a distance.

Real love is unconditional. You don't have to be around someone to love them. You don't even have to be loved back. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. Take accountability for your own mistakes within the relationship, learn from it, and move on from it. When someone hurts you, it's usually because they're hurting. Wish them well and say goodbye. Maybe, one day, when they've learned their own self-worth, it will be safe for the two of you to connect again. This is not guaranteed and they may never learn. If you take them back into your life, you risk allowing the same problems to resurface. So weigh your decision carefully and choose wisely.